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TRUST
It is something that I cannot grasp,
A pleasure that I cannot partake,
The wound that over powers me,
I fear I can't forsake.
It is a question of my worth
And I don't value me,
It is a seed that never grows,
A hope that cannot be.
It is the wall around my heart
The guard that keeps it locked,
What I left vunerable before,
Deep in me, now blocked.
It is my unmastered terror
The thought causes my pulse to soar!
The hope is getting closer
And far too strong to just ignore.
So could you please be worthy
Of my new stepping out,
From behind my protection,
Of not trusting and strong doubt?
So now on wings of trust renewed,
I fly on towards something new.
BEAUTY LOST
Once, when I was twelve,
I caught a glimpse of me-
A brown-eyed,
red-head
Watching from the mirror,
At that moment,
I realized I was beautiful.
That is the only time I can remember
Feeling truly beautiful
It is the last time I can remember
Not looking in the mirror for added chins,
Extra pudge, sagging,
Or other imperfections.
Perhaps this is what they mean
By the phrase, "child-like" innosense.
To think:
My chubby cheeks
And my stubby nose,
My wild hair and dark eyes,
could be beautiful?
I cling to the memory
The feeling of being attractive
And I truly long to return
To my "child-like innosense".
AFTER CLASS
Today I became fascinated with my foot,
It (like the rest of me) is strange,
And inadaquate.
My pinkie toe is so tiny
It looks like a bubble on the edge
I have monkey toes too-
You know- where the 2nd toe is longer than the first?
This seems ironic when I realize
That my dreams are much further
Than my ability can reach...
God is not without his little jokes on me!
Mostly I stare at my big toe.
I catch myself wondering,
If I lost this weight,
Would my toes become proportionate?
But it makes no difference,
Not really.
I'd still find something wrong with who I am.
I'd still overanalyze and I'd lose the same friends.
Life, it seems, is really a very silly process...
When you think about it in relationship to your toes. LONELY HEART
Blankly staring at the TV,
She feels the blood drip,
Slowly tumbling off,
Her pale white finger tip.
Her other fist clutches
The cold hard steel
That freed her lonely heart
From all that was real.
Her red lips gently curve
Upward, one last time,
But this last smile is real
Her mood now sublime.
As the emptiness drained
From her very soul
"Life" left her body,
And sweet death took his toll.
The stained carpet,
A permanent stain-
On the memories
Of those who still remain.
Some will curse her
Some will grin
But over the pain
She will win. ORANGE
I dreamt I had release today.
I could feel the cold metal
As my lips welcomed
The barrel of my redemption.
My finger tensed
Around the thin cold trigger.
I pulled it fast...
And The Freedom overcame.
I floated above it all
Out of the grasp of pain.
And far away from gravity.
I long for this moment.
I closed my eyes a little tighter.
Before I regretfully opened them
Only to find myself in the car.
Next to my friend.
Driving down the street.
Alive...
And I long to sleep again. THE SHIP
A ship of thoughts and ideas
Of hopes and dreams
Worlds of windows hindered
Fear of a slamming door
Do you dare
Or stand on the shore?
One idea-
It's not even something real
Can create a barrier
A fear of heights
Do you climb up
Or save dreaming for nights?
Dare and climb
And stumbling is okay
Open the window,
Walk through the door,
And lighten your chip
Hold your dreams
"And don't give up the ship." LOVE & HATE
The sun and the stars
Switch places often
So as to prevent getting
tired of one or the other
If one stays too long in sun
One will be burned
Or if one stays under
the stars too long
One will catch a chill. |
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| ME?
Bright colors fill my room
Heavy clouds fill my eyes
No one seems to know this
Yet nothing but these lies
Build the me that you know
And the real me won't show.
The rain begins to fall
But the clouds won't disperse
My walls quickly rise up
As the lines I rehearse
I want to let you in
But that would be a sin.
Can't face reality
I live inside a dream
I feel dread everyday
Wish I were what I seem
If only I could be
All that your eyes see. VINES
Vines twisted and choking
Drowning in the sea of despair
Flowers fight for the chance to thrive
The vines are more than they can bear
So slowly I begin to cut
Away the vines that choke
And flowers stretch toward new light
We're not going to be broke. THOUGHT
We're all going to die
Some are dead before they begin
It's a crazy place to live
In this world.
It's a crazy time to exist...
In eternity. ESSENTIAL
The memory shakes me
And I put my delicate picture together
Please do not aske me to leave you behind
Or to drive you away like a repulsive shadow
You can never say
A gorgeous diamond is an ugly rock
A dream is a delirious vision
You are always the friend
That I place above the sun
A true essential to my life.
SHATTER
I used to look into your eyes
And feel a peace the world should know.
The peace was warm and sweet
Time would stop, and for that short while
The world would remove around you and me
I've lost you now, and I'm forgetting your eyes
My peace is gone
Somewhere, thousands of miles away it lingers
Soundlessly in the night
Wherever you go
A little of me shall follow
For my peace is lost in your arms
Drop it-
And I would shatter. INSANITY
Are you trying to prove that I can feel?
Do you want to show me what is real?
I can feel love; and I know pain
They try to drive me past insane
But may be this time love is fake
What if my body just couldn't take
Being alone for one more day?
So to your empty heart I say,
"I need you here to make me whole"
When all I needed was a friendly soul
Perhaps your feelings were fake too?
Maybe you wanted something new?
Well I am twisted, in need of repair,
I am a frame stripped to the bare
I want to love, I want to trust.
But keep this silenced I know I must
What if you only thought you cared?
It's funny how the heart is flared,
By the strings attached to the bed,
As you whisper sweetly near my head
Whatever you say, I will listen
But realize my eyes no longer glisten
And now my heart is fully protected
From the danger long detected
And this game I well knew
So a grudge I do not hold
For friendship is as good as gold. HOME
Is there anything so beautiful,
As the sun shining,
Down on the Earth?
The glorious way the rays,
Kisses my skin,
Causing goose bumps to rise.
The sun warms the breeze,
That gently musses,
My auburn hair.
It erases the chill,
Of everyday stresses,
And warms the soul.
And I am so thankful,
To be home- in Texas-
With the sun shining down on me. IF YOU LOVED ME
If you loved me,
Your heart would break,
When I shed a tear.
This wouldn't be fake.
If you loved me,
You would never stop trying,
And you'd never be,
The reason I'm crying.
If you loved me,
Nothing could stop you,
From being only with me,
And always being true.
If you loved me,
No one could take my place,
And nohting would be,
As sweet as my face.
If you loved me,
I would stay by you,
Forever and never go,
We'd never be through.
If you loved me,
I would do anything,
To see you smile,
I'd wear your ring.
If you loved me,
I wouldn't have to nag,
About her, or anything else,
You feet wouldn't drag.
If you loved me,
She wouldn't be yours,
She would know of me,
And there would be no cures.
Because you don't love me,
I can't keep lying,
Putting my life on hold,
I have to stop trying.
Because you don't love me,
I will sleep alone tonight,
And get to know myself,
Before I look for Mr. Right.
Because you don't love me,
I can't call you now,
Even friendship,
I can't allow.
Because you don't love me,
I have to face facts,
And walk past the lies,
That let me back track.
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